MOTHER LOVE: BRITA FERNADEZ SCHMIDT
Meet the formidable Brita Fernandez Schmidt. Brita has dedicated her life’s work to the betterment of marginalized and vulnerable women & children worldwide. She recently transitioned her career and is working as a transformational coach and celebrated author.
I met Brita at a BAFTA event in London back in 2017 and I knew I had to have her in my life somehow. I went home and drafted off an email about how much her speech inspired me and how I would love to work with her. I joke my impassioned email to Brita was either going to get me a restraining order or a meeting, luckily it was the latter!
BY LAUREN DALTON MITROVIC
Wunder Stories What is the best advice you have received from your mother?
BFS The best advice was not actually a specific piece of advice my mother has given me, but rather seeing her live her life has made me realize the unbelievable strength that resides within my mother. And witnessing that made me see that this strength also resides within me, because it resides within all of us. To know that I am always stronger than I think, that has been the greatest gift from her.
WS What do you think the secret to raising happy children is?
BFS I read a book called ‘The conscious parent’ by Shefali Tsabary and for me the title sums up what I think the secret to raising happy children is – be as aware as you can possibly be about how you feel, and what you think, and how that is influencing your behaviors. The more conscious you become, the more present you can be, the more you can see your child in their beautiful wholeness. When we become aware and present, we let go of assumptions and we pave the way for accepting our children as they are. And ultimately, that is what any of us wants, to be accepted for who we truly are, not for what we think we need to be to meet other people’s expectations… our parents’ included.
“The more conscious you become, the more present you can be, the more you can see your child in their beautiful wholeness. ”
WS What do you find is the most challenging thing about being a mother?
BFS One of the things I have found most challenging, as my daughters have grown up – they are 19 and 21 now – is to let go of the need to fix their problems. Obviously when they were little and say they had fallen and needed soothing, I was able to fix their pain. But as they grew up, their problems are obviously more complex, and part of the process is for them to realise that they have all they need within themselves to overcome any challenges. Letting go of that need to be needed, to feel like I am needed to fix their problem, that was hard. But in it there was also the opportunity to focus more on what I need and the realisation that the more I can care for myself, the more I encourage that same thing in my daughters.
WS What have your daughter's Emma & Sara taught you?
BFS They have taught me to love more deeply than I could ever have imagined. They have also taught me that being deeply present and just listening is what we all actually yearn for. To be seen and felt. When I am deeply present with them, then I can feel our connection and I don’t need to DO anything.
WS What words of wisdom would you pass down to your daughters?
BFS My daughters and I have an agreement – that we remember that we are stronger than we think. When I was traveling a lot, or experiencing a difficult time at work my daughters would worry for me, just how I would worry for them when they had a tough time. That is when we agreed that we would trust that we know the other is stronger than they think and that we will be ok. And so we replaced worry with trust. And I think that is life changing.
WS It would be impossible to mention Mother's Day and not think about the many displaced Ukrainian mothers and children who have had to leave their homes and lives behind. What is your hope for these mother's over the next year?
BFS I have worked with women and mothers in countries affected by conflict for many years and I know that we as humans have an enormous capacity to overcome hardship and thrive after trauma. I also know that time and space are key to healing and my wish is that together as a global community we can create time and space for individual and collective healing. To foster the awareness of our deep connection with eachother, to know that every single one of us has the capacity to provide a healing space to others, by feeling the other person, and acknowledging their pain and their experience. That is the deep solidarity that I wish for Ukrainian mothers and children.
WS Your many years of humanitarian work & expertise is so powerful and inspiring to so many people. Your experience and your voice in supporting women of war torn areas is needed now more than ever. What advice would you give to people looking to support Ukraine refugees, particularly women, as they transition into building a new life while dealing with unimaginable mourning, trauma, and terror?
BFS Too often we are overwhelmed by the news – which leads us to think that there is nothing we can do. Most of the times that is not true. In those moments, feel into your heart and ask what you can do. I know you will get a different answer. The deep solidarity I described above is something we are all capable of. We can also mobilize others. We can support small organizations in and around the Ukraine who are helping people who are falling between the cracks. One way you can do this is by joining Kick A** Mothers for the Ukraine, an initiative led by women who care deeply and know they can make a difference. Our focus is to help as many people who no one else is helping to get to a place of safety.
